The Importance of Having a Will: A Compassionate Guide to Protecting Your Family
THE IMPORTANCE OF HAVING A WILL
Losing a spouse is a very traumatic process. From initial feelings of numbness, dissociation, and not believing what is true, to then feeling the loss physically and psychologically like a crashing wave, it can feel like you are on a rollercoaster. With all that one has lost—which can include one’s social circle changing, having to move homes, being a single parent, or having to work multiple jobs to support the family—there is one thing that spouses can do for the family prior to death.
Easing the Trauma of Financial Uncertainty
In my counselling sessions, bereaved spouses, usually women, often face a financial uncertainty that they could not have predicted. So many people have no idea if there is a certified Will; they don’t know their spouse’s bank details, computer passwords, safe combinations, or whether there is a life policy in place. Dealing with lawyers and accountants while not knowing this information usually causes increased trauma in the surviving spouse.
I see many husbands in my counselling practice patting their wives’ hands, telling them not to worry and that everything will be alright. However, that does not reduce the anxiety for their partners. If privacy is a concern, I suggest giving all the information to a lawyer or accountant, where details remain private until they are needed.
A Will as an Act of Love and Responsibility
Some husbands feel that focusing on a Will is unromantic or that their wives are focusing on money rather than the relationship. Unfortunately, we are all going to pass away, and we need to provide for the family left behind. Just as couples sign documents regarding divorce, a Will should be handled thoughtfully and then put away.
I once had a client whose husband was a lawyer who died unexpectedly of a heart attack. Despite his profession, his own affairs were not in order, and it took his wife years to sort everything out. She felt hurt and angry, feeling that he hadn’t cared enough for the family to make provisions.
Practical Steps to Protect Your Survivors
I see clients who have to postpone their grieving processes to take care of practicalities. Estates can take two years or more to be wound up. If possible, it is a good idea to have a separate bank account that the spouse can access immediately at the time of death for household and medical expenses. This goes a long way to alleviate anxiety.
Many women feel guilty asking for a Will, fearing they look like “money-grabbers”. This is why I suggest that both spouses do their Wills at the same time. It balances the level of responsibility and adulthood that both must face. Adulthood is sometimes scary, and thinking about mortality is not a happy thought, but it is morally and financially incumbent on adults to look ahead.
Protecting Minor Children and Legal Assets
For parents with children under eighteen, a Will is where you state who will look after them should both parents pass away. This is a difficult decision, but not having it set out legally is worse. Without a Will, the State can take your assets or assign them as it sees fit.
From my perspective as a counsellor, the bereaved already endure the loss of identity and companionship. Having to find passwords or deal with banks on top of this can tip a survivor into depression. As a client once told her husband: “Looking ahead and making provisions is a show of your love for your family”.
Author: Debbi Rozowsky Debbi is a published Cape Town–based counsellor with over 28 years’ experience in trauma, anxiety, grief, and life challenges. She offers a calm, compassionate, and practical approach to help clients find emotional balance and resilience.
Find Support Through Life’s Transitions. Navigating the emotional weight of planning for the future or dealing with a recent loss requires a safe space. Debbi Rozowsky offers compassionate counselling to help individuals and couples face these “grown-up” decisions with clarity and peace of mind.
