Dealing with Anxiety: Practical Strategies to Find Clarity and Calm
DEALING WITH ANXIETY
Anxiety has overtaken depression as the leading cause of mental health problems in the world. People present with free-floating anxiety, where they feel anxious but are not sure what it is exactly that they are anxious about.
The “Messy Ball of Wool”: Managing Exam Anxiety
I see clients usually around October each year who are so anxious because they have exam anxiety for school or university exams coming up, and they can’t see the wood for the trees. They can’t work out what they must do, how to study, or how they will manage all the work.
The image I have is a multicoloured, messy ball of wool. I help the client to pull all the same colours out of the ball and put them in their own piles. What this means practically is that I ask the client to write down everything that they have to learn for each subject. It is not detailed, but it could be for the English exam; they have to read certain books, learn certain stuff, and do certain tasks. When they have done this, we then draw a basic game board, with a start square, lots of other squares, and finally, the end square.
I ask the client to plan their study timetable using the drawing, to indicate when they think they can do the work, to be able to know as much as possible by the time the exam comes around. I suggest break times or days in case they leave out a day and feel discouraged. It is best to build in a break and not take it. This system assists their anxiety because they have made a plan.
A Three-Step Plan to Manage Fear of the Future
What is anxiety? It is the fear of the future. It can be the future in the following five minutes to all the years ahead. There is a system that I use to help clients manage their anxiety. I learned this years ago when I spoke to an airline pilot. I was afraid of flying, and he asked me to name my anxiety. I said that I was scared of the plane crashing. He gave me a lot of information, and all I can remember is that he said that there are four backups for every system on an aircraft, and that was all I needed to know. We discussed where I would feel the turbulence the least, and I was set.
This is the plan:
- Name the anxiety: Identify the specific anxiety; you can do this many times over for other anxieties.
- Get more information: Seek the facts you need.
- Make a plan: Determine your next steps.
I saw a client who had major surgery on his arm. He was depressed because he thought that he would never be able to move his arm as he had prior to his injury. I asked him whether he had discussed it with his surgeon and he said that the surgeon told him that he was “sure all would be good”. We went through the plan. He named his anxiety as being his fear of not having full use of his arm. I suggested to him that he needed a second opinion from another surgeon as to his chances of having full use of his arm once he had healed from the operation. His plan was to do just that. He took his X-rays and notes to the other surgeon and this doctor was able to explain in more detail why he believed that he would make a full recovery. His anxiety was that he didn’t have enough information. He felt more reassured after that visit to the doctor and his anxiety relaxed.
Grounding Techniques for Physical Anxiety and Panic Attacks
Anxiety has a physical component to it, too. We can feel that we are shallow breathing, feel sweaty, faint, withdrawn, snappy, have sleep and food disturbances, self-harm, drink or smoke too much. Concentration is often affected, and our tolerance for things that don’t usually bother us starts to lessen. It is awful when people experience panic attacks, and they assume, naturally, that they are having a heart attack. The feeling is similar, but once they are checked out by a medical professional, most times it is a panic attack that passes. It is as though the brain goes into overdrive with anxiety, and the body responds. It is scary but not life-threatening.
Some people swear by making themselves name five things they can see around them, what they can hear, smell, and feel. Some people chew ice, some people put elastic bands around their wrists and pull them. I have had clients tell me about putting Vicks on their chest so that the sense of smell is distracted by the scent, and the spiral is broken. Some people have a cold shower or put ice down their shirts. What all these tools are doing is taking you out of the spiral and grounding you again.
Lifestyle Changes: Diet, Music, and Journaling
Interestingly, sugar increases anxiety while protein grounds us. I find that music makes a big difference to one’s mood. I had a client whose husband had passed away, and she found that she just couldn’t get out of bed in the mornings. She wanted to hide under her duvet. I suggested that she make a playlist of music from gentle to dance music. Again, it was suggested that she choose music from before she knew her husband. This music enabled her to get out of bed, get ready, and even have a bit of pep in her step when she left her bedroom.
I often suggest to clients that they get a little notebook (I’m still old-fashioned!) and each night they write down their ‘worries’. It needs to be dated because it becomes a form of a diary. What they enjoy doing is ticking off the worries once they are resolved. They notice that they resolve sometimes with work or without doing anything at all. The lesson is to show them that what we believe we will never overcome can be overcome and that we have more abilities than we think.
Overcoming Social Anxiety and Misunderstandings
What people often do, and I must say that this is mostly women, is to interpret something that someone said to them in a negative way. They become so anxious that their friend is angry with them or that they did something wrong or said something wrong to someone. As we ponder this, our adrenaline rises because the brain feels that it is in some sort of danger. We fixate, looking at the interaction over and over again, looking for different interpretations, all of them terrible!
What is useful is to ask the person gently whether you interpreted the conversation correctly or not. This gives the other person an opportunity to clear things up, and most of the time, they have no idea what you are talking about. If it is done softly and not attacking the other person, they will be open to hearing you, and they don’t have to get defensive. You don’t lose face doing it this way. It is such a relief to sort out our true or imagined worries as soon as possible to give us some peace.
Author: Debbi Rozowsky Debbi is a published Cape Town–based counsellor with over 28 years’ experience in trauma, anxiety, grief, and life challenges. She offers a calm, compassionate, and practical approach, helping clients gain clarity, emotional balance, and resilience. Her work is informed by both professional expertise and lived experience, providing a safe and supportive space for meaningful healing and growth.
Take the First Step Toward Calm
If you are feeling overwhelmed by a “messy ball of wool” in your own life, you don’t have to navigate it alone. Debbi Rozowsky provides professional, compassionate counselling to help you manage anxiety and regain control.